Moving.

Moving means three things; new people, new town, new school. 

I've moved before, but I've never had to actually help pack and move stuff. I was always little when we moved. Now I'm seventeen, and I had to actually help with everything. In my old town, I knew everybody and I've grown up with them since kindergarten. Now I'm in a totally new place with a lot of new people .. that like to stare. Oklahoma is a pretty cool place so far, and it gets really really hot here. They say the summer's last longer, so I guess that's one good thing of moving here.

I'm not really a sociable person, I'm shy around new people. I get pretty awkward and I look down a lot. My mom said we're going to start school late, and because of that everyone's going to know I'm the new kid. Well, I think they'd know that anyway because I dress differently than everyone here and I don't have an accent. I'm scared. I feel lost here because I don't know anybody, or where anything is. I'm an outsider in their world. It's my senior year so I basically only have one year here, but I don't think that's enough time to make friendships that'll last. I don't think I have enough time to do anything. School has already started in some towns, and some hasn't started yet.

I hope I can find my place in this town, maybe watch a couple sunsets while I'm at it. I hope it won't be that hard, and I pray that I don't get thrown in a trash can at school. Or that I'll at least make one friend while I'm here. Wish me luck c:

High School.

Everyone told her 8th grade year that high school was going to be the best four years of her life before college. She believed them. But when she first walked through the doors of the campus she was supposed to go to, she finally realized that what people tell you is not always the truth.

On the first day of high school she had a half day. All the classes were shortened just to meet your teachers, find your classes, and find out the supplies needed for class. She thought it was stupid and a waste of time. She didn't want to sit in eight hot classes for thirty minutes, and then go home. It felt like the longest day of her life. The end of the day finally came, and she was happy to finally be done. Every one gave her dirty looks in the hallways, no one spoke to her. She was an outcast to them. They all knew each other and she didn't know anyone. She was alone. She carried her school ID with her. She didn't need anything else.

As her freshmen year went by, she made some "friends". She was in house three, regular classes and it wasn't that hard to keep her grades up. She had A's and B's in all of her classes. She kept to herself most of the time, except for the occasional people that talked to her in her classes. She really didn't do much, she didn't go out or go to parties. She stayed inside. And she never would have thought she would still be the same way two years later.

Sophomore year wasn't any better. She changed houses, and went to house seven.She knew it was going to be hard, but she didn't think it would be as hard as it was. Her grades dropped badly. She went from A's to C's, but it wasn't her fault. She was trying, the classes just assigned to much homework. She was stressed to the max, to only be fifteen. All the people she had met the year before were gone because she switched houses. She felt like the new kid in a world where she wasn't accepted. She didn't know anyone in house seven. She was alone again.

It was her junior year, as the years went by more and more people knew her name. The first day of school everyone was saying hi to her, and hugging her. Normally, she liked hugs but this was doing to much. This was the year her sister would be at the same school with her. She felt responsible, showing her around to her classes and helping her find her locker. She felt like she mattered for once because her sister needed her to guide her through the first week of school. Junior year wasn't that bad for her, except for the immature and annoying kids in her seventh period class. She loved the class, just not the kids.

In Waukegan, each year that you're in high school the ID's change a little. She still has her ID from freshmen year, and as the next to years went by she kept her ID's from Sophomore and Junior year. They're apart of her, apart of the school that she grew to deal with and love. Even though next year she'll have a new ID at a new school, she'll still carry those three ID's from her first three years in high school. At the start of her Senior year she'll look at them and they'll help remind her of where she came from. They'll help remind her how how much she's grown during those three years at that school.

Hopefully, she'll carry that new ID with her after her Senior year just like she will with the other three. That will be the year that changes everything. And maybe, just maybe she'll continue to grow in this new school too.

Sometimes All You Need Is Change.

She carries a lot. She carries the stress from school, the stress from home, and the stress from society. She's been told that she has to set a good example for her sisters and brother. She's the oldest out of four, she has higher expectations. Expectations that she can't meet. She doesn't have friends, and maybe that's apart of the problem. She doesn't have anyone to go to, because friends just get up and leave. She always says “Everyone leaves at some point right?”

It was her freshman year, new school new people. Everyone she met in middle school was going to the other campus. Everything was new for her, and she was scared. For the first few weeks, she stayed by herself, she didn't try to make friends. Because they weren't the friends she had in middle school. She felt like the new kid all over again. She didn't like that feeling. She didn't like feeling lost. And that's exactly how she felt. She did meet one friend, more like a best friend. A girl that will probably stay her friend forever. And her name is Taylor. They didn't like each other at first, but they sure as hell didn't think they would meet again in high school. But they did. And Taylor became the best friend she didn't ever want to loose. Her family life was falling apart, and she didn't know what to do. She was only fourteen. She couldn't do much. She couldn't do anything. And that's when she became insecure, when she became depressed. She felt like she had to be perfect. And if she wasn't, everyone put her down. All of freshmen year, she carried a lack of confidence. She carried insecurity.

Her sophomore year came along, the year that tore her apart. Everyone she met freshmen year was gone. They weren't there anymore. And that's when she finally realized that in high school, everyone leaves. No one is really there for you, like they say they are. Her family life was getting worse and worse. Her grades were dropping. Everything was going wrong, and she felt more lost than ever. She wanted to be a kid again, she didn't want all of this stress. She wanted to be carefree, to be happy. But, she couldn't because every time she tried it was taken away. Her depression was getting worse, but she hid it all with a smile. A smile that leads everyone to believe that she's actually happy. When in reality, she's not. Every one said that high school was supposed to be fun. But to her, it didn't end up that way. The things she carried started adding up. She still carried a lack of confidence and insecurity. She carried despair. She carried desperation. She carried society's idea of perfect. Perfect is what she wanted to be. 

She's been in high school for three years now. Three years that went by so fast. She's not the same girl from freshmen year, she's changed a lot. She's grown up and matured. Her depression continues to get worse. But now she has hope. They've always said not to talk to strangers. But two completely different strangers have become some of her best friends. Katelyn and Andrew. They're just like Taylor, in a lot of ways. Neither of the three have left her side yet. She doesn't think they ever will either. She's learned to let go, and not keep things bottled up. She's open to trying new things, meeting new people. A lot has happened in all this time. She's made friends. Lost friends. Been in relationships that she thought would last. She's been hurt, plenty of times. But all of that hurt has made her stronger. She's working on building her confidence back. And she has the help of three amazing people. Now, after all of the pain scars and tears. She's healing. She has faith.

She won't be returning back to the high school that has helped her grow. She'll be moving. Moving to a new school, where she'll be the new kid again. Where she'll have to make new friends. She's a lot more open minded than she was during her freshmen year. She's going to miss everyone, the students, the teachers. The school all together. Because this was the school that made her, her. She's already made it a plan to come back and visit, even if she lives twelve hours away. Waukegan will always be a part of her. She grew up here. She's become stronger. And she will always be a Bulldog.

She's always wanted change. And even if it isn't how she expected or wanted it to be, she's finally getting it. For once, she's finally getting what she wants. And now, she carries Hope.