Sometimes All You Need Is Change.

She carries a lot. She carries the stress from school, the stress from home, and the stress from society. She's been told that she has to set a good example for her sisters and brother. She's the oldest out of four, she has higher expectations. Expectations that she can't meet. She doesn't have friends, and maybe that's apart of the problem. She doesn't have anyone to go to, because friends just get up and leave. She always says “Everyone leaves at some point right?”

It was her freshman year, new school new people. Everyone she met in middle school was going to the other campus. Everything was new for her, and she was scared. For the first few weeks, she stayed by herself, she didn't try to make friends. Because they weren't the friends she had in middle school. She felt like the new kid all over again. She didn't like that feeling. She didn't like feeling lost. And that's exactly how she felt. She did meet one friend, more like a best friend. A girl that will probably stay her friend forever. And her name is Taylor. They didn't like each other at first, but they sure as hell didn't think they would meet again in high school. But they did. And Taylor became the best friend she didn't ever want to loose. Her family life was falling apart, and she didn't know what to do. She was only fourteen. She couldn't do much. She couldn't do anything. And that's when she became insecure, when she became depressed. She felt like she had to be perfect. And if she wasn't, everyone put her down. All of freshmen year, she carried a lack of confidence. She carried insecurity.

Her sophomore year came along, the year that tore her apart. Everyone she met freshmen year was gone. They weren't there anymore. And that's when she finally realized that in high school, everyone leaves. No one is really there for you, like they say they are. Her family life was getting worse and worse. Her grades were dropping. Everything was going wrong, and she felt more lost than ever. She wanted to be a kid again, she didn't want all of this stress. She wanted to be carefree, to be happy. But, she couldn't because every time she tried it was taken away. Her depression was getting worse, but she hid it all with a smile. A smile that leads everyone to believe that she's actually happy. When in reality, she's not. Every one said that high school was supposed to be fun. But to her, it didn't end up that way. The things she carried started adding up. She still carried a lack of confidence and insecurity. She carried despair. She carried desperation. She carried society's idea of perfect. Perfect is what she wanted to be. 

She's been in high school for three years now. Three years that went by so fast. She's not the same girl from freshmen year, she's changed a lot. She's grown up and matured. Her depression continues to get worse. But now she has hope. They've always said not to talk to strangers. But two completely different strangers have become some of her best friends. Katelyn and Andrew. They're just like Taylor, in a lot of ways. Neither of the three have left her side yet. She doesn't think they ever will either. She's learned to let go, and not keep things bottled up. She's open to trying new things, meeting new people. A lot has happened in all this time. She's made friends. Lost friends. Been in relationships that she thought would last. She's been hurt, plenty of times. But all of that hurt has made her stronger. She's working on building her confidence back. And she has the help of three amazing people. Now, after all of the pain scars and tears. She's healing. She has faith.

She won't be returning back to the high school that has helped her grow. She'll be moving. Moving to a new school, where she'll be the new kid again. Where she'll have to make new friends. She's a lot more open minded than she was during her freshmen year. She's going to miss everyone, the students, the teachers. The school all together. Because this was the school that made her, her. She's already made it a plan to come back and visit, even if she lives twelve hours away. Waukegan will always be a part of her. She grew up here. She's become stronger. And she will always be a Bulldog.

She's always wanted change. And even if it isn't how she expected or wanted it to be, she's finally getting it. For once, she's finally getting what she wants. And now, she carries Hope.