Distance.

Before I started high school I never thought I would end up in a long distance relationship. I doubted people who were in those types of relationships. Basically, I didn't think they could work for me. Things change, people change and three years later I'm in one of those long distances relationships I told myself I never wanted to be in.

I met Andrew in March. He tweeted me, we talked for a couple days and then it just didn't work. Then again in April he talked to me again, and from then on everything fell in to place. I was in a bad place when he met me, a place I didn't think I could get out of. He was different, he wasn't like the guys at my school. He wasn't a douchebag and he didn't talk down on girls like most guys do. He listened to me, he could tell I wasn't happy, that I wasn't the girl he knew I could be. He wanted to help, and most people wouldn't do that. He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and he's really good with words.

I fell for him much more quickly than I thought I would, and I don't regret it at all. I got a feeling with him, that I never had before with anyone else. He's been helping me with my depression and all the other problems I have, and he does it with ease. He understands a lot more than I thought, and he surprises me every day. Andrew's one of the most awkward people I ever met, his personality is amazing, and he completes me. There's just something about him that pulled me in and made me never want to let go. He's my best friend, and I know he'll be here for me through anything. He means so much more to me than I can tell him, because I can never find the right words.

I will do anything to make him happy, and I know he'll do the same for me. I'm only seventeen and I found the person I want to be with forever. I know I'll never meet someone else like him and I'll be stupid if I ever let him go. He's unique, he's funny, and he makes me smile. I'm not like every other girl, I'm very difficult to be with. I'm so happy he's stuck with me this long and he hasn't left me yet. I know I can't live without him, I'll be incomplete. He's my other half, my soul mate. He makes me happy. I love all the letters, late night phone calls, the gifts, the smiles and laughs, and especially the 'I love yous'. I don't want to be with anyone else, I don't want anyone else. I'm staying with him forever. We'll have been together for six months on the twenty-third, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. I have the best.

I haven't been this happy in a very long time, and I know there's not enough 'thank yous' that I could say to pay him back for all he's done for me. We're 985 miles apart, but that doesn't phase us.

Moving.

Moving means three things; new people, new town, new school. 

I've moved before, but I've never had to actually help pack and move stuff. I was always little when we moved. Now I'm seventeen, and I had to actually help with everything. In my old town, I knew everybody and I've grown up with them since kindergarten. Now I'm in a totally new place with a lot of new people .. that like to stare. Oklahoma is a pretty cool place so far, and it gets really really hot here. They say the summer's last longer, so I guess that's one good thing of moving here.

I'm not really a sociable person, I'm shy around new people. I get pretty awkward and I look down a lot. My mom said we're going to start school late, and because of that everyone's going to know I'm the new kid. Well, I think they'd know that anyway because I dress differently than everyone here and I don't have an accent. I'm scared. I feel lost here because I don't know anybody, or where anything is. I'm an outsider in their world. It's my senior year so I basically only have one year here, but I don't think that's enough time to make friendships that'll last. I don't think I have enough time to do anything. School has already started in some towns, and some hasn't started yet.

I hope I can find my place in this town, maybe watch a couple sunsets while I'm at it. I hope it won't be that hard, and I pray that I don't get thrown in a trash can at school. Or that I'll at least make one friend while I'm here. Wish me luck c:

High School.

Everyone told her 8th grade year that high school was going to be the best four years of her life before college. She believed them. But when she first walked through the doors of the campus she was supposed to go to, she finally realized that what people tell you is not always the truth.

On the first day of high school she had a half day. All the classes were shortened just to meet your teachers, find your classes, and find out the supplies needed for class. She thought it was stupid and a waste of time. She didn't want to sit in eight hot classes for thirty minutes, and then go home. It felt like the longest day of her life. The end of the day finally came, and she was happy to finally be done. Every one gave her dirty looks in the hallways, no one spoke to her. She was an outcast to them. They all knew each other and she didn't know anyone. She was alone. She carried her school ID with her. She didn't need anything else.

As her freshmen year went by, she made some "friends". She was in house three, regular classes and it wasn't that hard to keep her grades up. She had A's and B's in all of her classes. She kept to herself most of the time, except for the occasional people that talked to her in her classes. She really didn't do much, she didn't go out or go to parties. She stayed inside. And she never would have thought she would still be the same way two years later.

Sophomore year wasn't any better. She changed houses, and went to house seven.She knew it was going to be hard, but she didn't think it would be as hard as it was. Her grades dropped badly. She went from A's to C's, but it wasn't her fault. She was trying, the classes just assigned to much homework. She was stressed to the max, to only be fifteen. All the people she had met the year before were gone because she switched houses. She felt like the new kid in a world where she wasn't accepted. She didn't know anyone in house seven. She was alone again.

It was her junior year, as the years went by more and more people knew her name. The first day of school everyone was saying hi to her, and hugging her. Normally, she liked hugs but this was doing to much. This was the year her sister would be at the same school with her. She felt responsible, showing her around to her classes and helping her find her locker. She felt like she mattered for once because her sister needed her to guide her through the first week of school. Junior year wasn't that bad for her, except for the immature and annoying kids in her seventh period class. She loved the class, just not the kids.

In Waukegan, each year that you're in high school the ID's change a little. She still has her ID from freshmen year, and as the next to years went by she kept her ID's from Sophomore and Junior year. They're apart of her, apart of the school that she grew to deal with and love. Even though next year she'll have a new ID at a new school, she'll still carry those three ID's from her first three years in high school. At the start of her Senior year she'll look at them and they'll help remind her of where she came from. They'll help remind her how how much she's grown during those three years at that school.

Hopefully, she'll carry that new ID with her after her Senior year just like she will with the other three. That will be the year that changes everything. And maybe, just maybe she'll continue to grow in this new school too.

Being the oldest.

Being the oldest means more responsibility. It means she has to set a good example for everyone younger than her. She doesn't want them to be like her. She doesn't want that, at all.

Awhile back she made some bad choices and got into a lot of trouble with her parents. She got everything taken from her, all her privileges. This was the summer before her Freshmen year, and she lost quite a few people because of it. She started talking back, not listening, and still getting in trouble. But then that let her sisters think that what she was doing, was okay. It wasn't okay. None of that was okay. But that didn't matter to them. They started to act out, too. They got into a lot more trouble. It broke her heart, and just seems to get worse and worse.

Everyone remembers the bad things she does, never really the good things. Her past is still brought up from time to time. She doesn't get in trouble anymore, because she knows when to drop it. Her sisters, not so much. She really wishes that they would get the picture. It's not that hard. It really isn't, they just get worse and worse. She misses when they would actually do stuff with her. They'd sing, dance, and make stupid videos. But they seem to have more important things to do, things that don't include her. Is she really doing that bad of a job as a sister?

Yeah, being the oldest she gets to do everything first. Driving. High School. College. Moving out. But, it really isn't all that fun when her sisters never want to do anything. Everything else matters more than her. It's not the first time she's been their second choice, but she's tired of it.

Friends That Stay Forever.

Taylor, Andrew, Katelyn.

Friends are the people that are supposed to be there for you. Friends are supposed to care just as much as you care. Friends are supposed to eat all of the food out of your fridge. Friends are supposed to have your back. They are supposed to be like a second family. Sometimes, you don't get friends like that. You get "friends" that are out to hurt you. Friends that are liars. Fake Friends; the ones like that should be kicked in the face. I don't think I would say I have friends. I have acquaintances. People that only come to me when they need something. I know a lot of people like that. Which sucks. I don't associate with many people. Because that's just the way I am. But there are three amazing people, that I know will be there with me until the very end. I've ignored or gotten angry with each of them. I've fought with them. And they haven't left me yet.

Taylor. She's the one I've known the longest of the three. We had a rough start at first, and didn't like each other. We grew out of that. Freshmen year we became really close. I'm glad because of that, I've learned a lot more about a person then I ever thought I would. Well, with her anyway. We rarely fight, but when we do we're back to normal the next day. We know exactly what buttons to push, to piss the other one off. We know exactly what makes the other person happy. We're similar in a lot of ways. Different in just as many ways. Taylor is a friend I plan on keeping forever. She's carried me through a lot of difficult things, just like I have done the same for her.

Andrew. He's the one I've known the shortest of the three. He's different from any other guy you'd meet. He sees things in a completely different way, and that's what makes him unique. He tries to make the best out of any situation, whether it be making you smile or saying something stupid to make you laugh. (Which works every time). I think if he could, he'd marry music. He talks about it all the time, and somehow puts it into every conversation that I have with him. I don't trust guys that easily, but I trust him. He has a way with words, a way that makes you feel good about yourself. He understands, more than most guys would. Basically. Andrew is the only guy I trust at this point. We've known each other for a little over a month, but it feels like I've known him forever.

Katelyn. She's in the middle of all of them. If I ever need a laugh, she's the girl I go too. She says she's not funny, but she really is. We find out something new about each other every day. Katelyn is kind of like Taylor in a lot of ways. They have a lot of the same qualities. I think that's why we became friends so fast. Skype. Normally when this happens, we Skype for like two hours but it only feels like five minutes. I never have a dull moment with her, because she'll say something and I'll laugh for about an hour. She's also different, but that's what makes her, her. I wouldn't want her to change anything about herself.

All three of them are completely different people, but share the same qualities. They've been with me from day one. I'm a difficult friend to have, but I know they'll never leave. No matter what I deal with, if I fall, they pick me right back up. And I do the same for them. In my eyes, I see us as the four amigos. Even if Katelyn and Andrew live miles away. I love them all more than anything. I wouldn't trade them for anything. These are MY best friends, even if they are a little weird at times c:

Sometimes All You Need Is Change.

She carries a lot. She carries the stress from school, the stress from home, and the stress from society. She's been told that she has to set a good example for her sisters and brother. She's the oldest out of four, she has higher expectations. Expectations that she can't meet. She doesn't have friends, and maybe that's apart of the problem. She doesn't have anyone to go to, because friends just get up and leave. She always says “Everyone leaves at some point right?”

It was her freshman year, new school new people. Everyone she met in middle school was going to the other campus. Everything was new for her, and she was scared. For the first few weeks, she stayed by herself, she didn't try to make friends. Because they weren't the friends she had in middle school. She felt like the new kid all over again. She didn't like that feeling. She didn't like feeling lost. And that's exactly how she felt. She did meet one friend, more like a best friend. A girl that will probably stay her friend forever. And her name is Taylor. They didn't like each other at first, but they sure as hell didn't think they would meet again in high school. But they did. And Taylor became the best friend she didn't ever want to loose. Her family life was falling apart, and she didn't know what to do. She was only fourteen. She couldn't do much. She couldn't do anything. And that's when she became insecure, when she became depressed. She felt like she had to be perfect. And if she wasn't, everyone put her down. All of freshmen year, she carried a lack of confidence. She carried insecurity.

Her sophomore year came along, the year that tore her apart. Everyone she met freshmen year was gone. They weren't there anymore. And that's when she finally realized that in high school, everyone leaves. No one is really there for you, like they say they are. Her family life was getting worse and worse. Her grades were dropping. Everything was going wrong, and she felt more lost than ever. She wanted to be a kid again, she didn't want all of this stress. She wanted to be carefree, to be happy. But, she couldn't because every time she tried it was taken away. Her depression was getting worse, but she hid it all with a smile. A smile that leads everyone to believe that she's actually happy. When in reality, she's not. Every one said that high school was supposed to be fun. But to her, it didn't end up that way. The things she carried started adding up. She still carried a lack of confidence and insecurity. She carried despair. She carried desperation. She carried society's idea of perfect. Perfect is what she wanted to be. 

She's been in high school for three years now. Three years that went by so fast. She's not the same girl from freshmen year, she's changed a lot. She's grown up and matured. Her depression continues to get worse. But now she has hope. They've always said not to talk to strangers. But two completely different strangers have become some of her best friends. Katelyn and Andrew. They're just like Taylor, in a lot of ways. Neither of the three have left her side yet. She doesn't think they ever will either. She's learned to let go, and not keep things bottled up. She's open to trying new things, meeting new people. A lot has happened in all this time. She's made friends. Lost friends. Been in relationships that she thought would last. She's been hurt, plenty of times. But all of that hurt has made her stronger. She's working on building her confidence back. And she has the help of three amazing people. Now, after all of the pain scars and tears. She's healing. She has faith.

She won't be returning back to the high school that has helped her grow. She'll be moving. Moving to a new school, where she'll be the new kid again. Where she'll have to make new friends. She's a lot more open minded than she was during her freshmen year. She's going to miss everyone, the students, the teachers. The school all together. Because this was the school that made her, her. She's already made it a plan to come back and visit, even if she lives twelve hours away. Waukegan will always be a part of her. She grew up here. She's become stronger. And she will always be a Bulldog.

She's always wanted change. And even if it isn't how she expected or wanted it to be, she's finally getting it. For once, she's finally getting what she wants. And now, she carries Hope.